How many times have you approached a woman, only to end up feeling like you are spinning your wheels in a dead-end conversation?
You know what I mean – you’re talking and talking, and there’s just…no spark. You can see her eyes go dead, and she starts looking around the room for a reason to excuse herself.
Maybe you suffer from “awkward silence syndrome.”
After a brief exchange, you can’t seem to think of anything to say, and you lose the girl.
All of a sudden she has to “go find her friends” or whatever.
“Er, um, OK, it was nice meeting you,” you fumble out.
But was it really nice meeting her, or did it feel like pulling teeth?
Weren’t you just as bored as she was?
This question is the key to figuring out how to avoid conversations from going stale.
I’ll break this down in a moment.
I’ve been doing this a long time, and as a professional coach, I’d say the two biggest problems guys seem to have when starting out are:
- Approach anxiety
- Not knowing what to talk about
Holding a conversation is a crucial to pickup.
What’s the point of approaching a woman if you can’t carry a conversation?
I actually think that not knowing what to talk about after you approach a woman is the #1 cause of approach anxiety, and why most guys fail when it comes to picking up women.
Think about it – if you knew exactly where to go conversationally, you wouldn’t have any problem approaching a woman, because you’d be confident that the interaction would go well.
So if you are struggling with approach anxiety, handling this aspect of pickup is your answer.
I remember doing tons and tons of approaches, just to get over my anxiety, only to realize that I didn’t know what to do next.
And the biggest problem about this was that my approach anxiety wasn’t going away!
It actually got worse because I dreaded the awkward “conversations” (if you even want to call them that) that I knew were coming.
There are some companies out there that actually force their students to approach
non-stop all night, for HOURS, without teaching them what to do next.
It breaks my heart when these guys come to us for help because their approach anxiety is now TEN TIMES what it was before.
There’s a huge myth when it comes to pickup and seduction, and it is this:
Meeting women is a big fancy show, and that you have to have lots of bells and whistles to make women feel attracted to you.
This is completely FALSE.
In fact, I’d say, the opposite is true – the less work you do, while still engaging a woman, the better.
This is because you must maintain a compliance ratio that is congruent with you being dominant.
Some call this “being the prize” but that’s only half-right.
You can’t just be a passive ‘prize.’ You must also set the tone and subtly LEAD the interaction.
By the way, at the end of this email I’ll give you an easy tip on how to lead a woman into a great conversation with almost no effort on your part.
I’m telling you this because I used to go over and over every interaction in my head after I got home from an exhausting night of dead-end approaches.
If you’re like me, you have probably done the same, and what’s worse, you probably also find your self getting stuck in your head DURING these interactions.
Now if you’re trying to get over your approach anxiety, congratulations. I mean that. This stuff can seem really tough when you’re starting out.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
In order to eliminate approach anxiety all you need to do is to know what to say afterwards.
Now if you’re thinking, “well crap, Vin. That’s no small feat either. Thinking of stuff to say is hard!”
What if I told you that conversational competence is incredibly easy?
Anyone can do it.
Now you might also be thinking, “Sure Vin, it’s easy for you. You’re a master at this stuff.”
Well…I won’t argue with you there, but the difference between a rookie and a master is time and experience.
I’m just a guy who committed himself to getting better with women, and I have a knack for breaking things down. We’re on the same path, but I’m just further along than most guys.
But I still remember my early struggles, and that’s why I’m so passionate about what I do.
To be honest, I’m not much of a talker when I’m not coaching. But after years and years of experience…
I know just what to say, at the right time, to get a woman to carry most of the weight conversationally.
One thing that sets me apart from other teachers out there is my ability to break things down to their most basic elements – to the nuts and bolts if you will, so that I can make it really easy on myself.
And I believe I have uncovered the small handful of key elements to great conversations.
If you don’t know what you’re doing wrong, you’re doomed to repeat.
I know I did, for a LONG time.
Words can’t describe how frustrating it is to approach woman after woman, and have conversations go stale.
Maybe you even get a phone number, but of course it never goes anywhere.
TALK ABOUT FRUSTRATION!
And let’s face it – when I talk about “frustration” I’m talking about SEXUAL FRUSTRATION.
You see a woman with curves in all the right places, smooth soft skin, a pretty smile, and you just want her so bad.
You get up the nerve to approach.
You get into a conversation…and…nothing…
It’s even worse than having approached at all – at least then you wouldn’t have gotten your hopes up!
I know you’re fed up, because I know I was.
The key to having good conversations is all about having the right focus, or mindset.
If your mind strays to the thinking of an unattractive man, a woman will pick up on it.
As our ever-candid Brian says…
“No! Bad thought. Re-focus.”
This is why we designed our Drills Workshop to adjust your focus, and habituate a totally new, attractive mindset that is conducive to escalating with women.
With the right mindset, everything flows naturally.
Your personality is no longer a hindrance, but is the vehicle for seduction.
When your mind is in the right place, your natural personality transforms from awkward and unattractive, to charming and seductive.
If you’ve been thinking about taking the Pandoras Box, now is the time – over the past couple months we’ve seen profound results in our students.
Let me say one more thing that you might not have realized yet.
The ability to have a good conversation will drastically reduce your approach anxiety.
But there’s another bonus.
Actually having a good conversation with a woman will drastically reduce the possibility of her flaking out on you.
That’s right – this skill is crucial to resolving the main issues almost every guy faces with women.
When it comes to conversational talent, I know a lot of guys who seem naturally good at making conversation and charming women.
I’ve studied these guys, and they all have one thing in common – they went through a lot of heavy socialization when they were young.
People with good conversation skills usually had a childhood/young adulthood where they were constantly around people and had exponentially more experience interacting with others than those of us who were shy or introverted as children.
The bad news is you can’t go back in time.
The good news is you don’t have to.
When you understand the principles, and know what to pay attention to, you can become an expert conversationalist with minimal practice.
In fact, you can be even better than those guys who seem to do it ‘naturally,’ because unlike them, you will be conscious of what you are doing, so you can keep improving, and cutting out any mistakes.
You see, most people, make one crucial mistake during conversations, and it’s probably the worst thing you can do.
Typically, when people talk to each other, most of their attention is on seeking approval from the other person.
This is what we call a “bad focus.”
So what should you be paying attention to?
Well it depends on the context.
When you are approaching a group of women, you’ll be focused on something different than when you are alone with a woman.
But the principle behind each focus is the same.
Ask yourself, what does it mean to “have game,” or to seduce a woman?
Is it about talking a lot? Telling her your life story?
Acting smooth until she decides to go to bed with you?
It’s about escalating physically, while developing a sense of emotional safety.
And that’s what you do conversationally – you make her feel emotionally safe!
Instead of trying to impress her (seek approval), you should be trying to draw out her character, and reward her with physical escalation.
It sounds simple huh?
Well guess what…it is!
Sometimes I think that my competition doesn’t want you to know that.
They want you to think it’s a big complicated project just to interact with a woman.
I assure you it’s not.
That’s where we separate ourselves from the competition – we don’t bullsh*t our students.
We believe that results sell themselves.
(Now do you see why the right mindset is so important?)
So before I go any further, I want to give you a quick tip you can apply RIGHT now with women.
I want you to think of three questions you wish a woman would ask you about what kind of man you are.
Now translate these questions so they’d make sense if you asked a woman. In other words, ask women the questions you want them to ask you.
Let me give a couple examples.
I’m extremely passionate about my job, and I would love it if a woman asked me, “So what do you like best about your job?”
Now this would really get me talking.
I would say, “well it’s incredibly rewarding to see guys transform into better men right before my very eyes. I always feel a great sense of accomplishment and fulfillment every time a workshop comes to an end.”
Now imagine if you asked a woman this same question!
Here’s another one. I love to talk about culture – art, movies, music, books.
So I always get excited when women ask me about my favorite movies, bands, books, etc.
So here’s a question to try:
“If you could make any kind of movie, what would it be about? Who would be your leading man/lady? Why?”
“If you could make a living doing any kind of art, what would it be? Photography? Sculpture? Something really strange and avant garde?”
Now here’s the key. Remember I said escalation is crucial.
If you’re not escalating, you’re not doing anything, and the interaction will go stale.
So when the woman answers your question, appreciate her response as you touch her arm, back, or head.
If you have read the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder you’ll know what I’m talking about.
(If you don’t have the DEL, download it NOW from our website – it’s free, and will take your game to the next level instantly)
I remember the agony of dead-end conversations, but honestly, it seems like such a long time ago.
I no longer have to deal with that kind of frustration, thank God!
Stop wasting your time with conversations that go nowhere. You know you deserve better.
If you’re fed up and ready for a change, put your manhood into overdrive NOW.
Until next time, take care, and don’t forget to try out that tip!