I received your most recent email and it hit me that spontaneity was definitely one of my sticking points. I sometimes see a girl that i want to approach, but i let the opportunity pass me by because i cant think of a good opener quick enough.
i want to practice being more spontaneous… I dont know if that is oxymoronic: “practicing spontaneity” .but i need to work on it. I worry that its a very weak area of mine. In my line of work i’ve trained my brain for the last 5 years to be methodical/analytical and spontaneity has taken a back seat….I wonder if there is a way i can practice it?”
This is a great question. I think a lot of guys wonder what they can do to become more spontaneous. Before I get to specific solutions, I want to comment on some points you bring up in your email.
Over the past four years that I’ve been training pickup artists, there’s one characteristic that almost all of them have in common.
They tend to be VERY ANALYTICAL.
Now, I’m the most analytical guy I know so its possible this is just the type of guy who’s attracted to what I teach.
But I think there’s more to it than that.
I think a lot of intelligent, analytical guys make mistakes with women because they can’t TURN OFF their analytical mind during the interaction.
The ability to analyze, dissect, and think logically about problems serves us in many aspects of our lives.
But when we apply this strategy to meeting and dating women, it can backfire.
This used to really frustrate me. It seemed the harder I tried, the worse I got. But I couldn’t just “not try”…that was just another form of trying.
The problem is when you’re interacting with a woman and analyzing what’s happening SIMULTANEOUSLY, it takes you out of the moment. You are no longer PRESENT with her.
The good news is that your analytical nature can actually HELP you become successful with women if you know how to apply it.
The key is to recognize that there’s a time and place to analyze and break things down and a time and place to get out of your head and let things flow.
If you look at any complex skill, there’s a phase of learning, reflecting and adjusting, and a time when you need to let go of that and to ACT. Once you master a skill, you no longer have to THINK about it because it’s in your BODY.
At first, when you learn to drive a car there’s so much to think about – the pedals, the wheel, the gearshift….your attention is INSIDE the car. You have an instructor there to make sure you stay on the road and don’t hit too many old ladies.
But after you get a feel for it, you’re free to focus on the road, the other cars, listen to music and to JUST DRIVE.
If you want to practice being more spontaneous with women, there’s a few things you can do.
- You could take an improv class. Find a local acting school and sign up.
It will force you to think on your feet.
- You could start doing approaches without having anything planned. Try walking over not knowing what you’re going to say
until you get there.
I did this for YEARS until I got to the point where I knew I’d know what to say when I got there.
You’ll probably tank a few times but- worst case scenario you stand there looking like an idiot and turn and walk away.
You can always laugh about it later with your friends.
- If you want practice doing this in a safe environment with feedback from a professional to accelerate your learning curve, I really recommend you sign up for Pandoras Box.
It will give you confidence knowing that alot of stuff will be automatic so you’re free to focus on her and enjoy the interaction.
I took me YEARS to learn this stuff and I truly believe there’s NO BETTER program out there.